based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Randomize
