When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
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