How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Randomize
