my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
