I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Randomize
