I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
Randomize
