my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
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