i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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