So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
