There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
Randomize
