I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
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