Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
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