I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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