So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Panties = found
Randomize
