What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
