Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
