no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
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Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
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I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
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