yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Randomize
