You're my little dorito
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
