he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
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