you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
