I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
