we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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