That's intense
fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
