The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Randomize
