Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
