I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
