She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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