So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
