foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
