I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
