Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Randomize