lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
Randomize
