I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
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