my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
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