i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
