so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Randomize
