Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
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