I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
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i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
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I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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