im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
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Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
No I am not eating basil off your cock
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
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I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.