she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
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whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
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I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy