This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
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