Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
Randomize
