I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize