She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
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