so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Randomize
