i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
Randomize
