walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
