Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Randomize
