Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize
