don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Randomize
