i would punch a child for taco bell
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
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