dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
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