If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
You pole danced in your parka.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Randomize
