i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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