i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
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