just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
