so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
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