what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Randomize
