He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Randomize
