people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
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after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
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Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
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