I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
BRING THE BAGELS
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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