Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
