the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
