I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
I have already put on my inside pants.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
