I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
Pants 0. Shit 1.
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
