you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
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