Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
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