Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
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