Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
So much Jack, so little girl.
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