no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
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I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
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I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
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