i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
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