too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
Randomize
