one two three fourrrrnication!
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
I'm like, not good at living.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
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