oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Randomize
