His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize
