I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
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